Bizarre.

9:23 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
The thing you want most always happen at the least likely time.

Found the journal but now I have so much taping in to do that it's become a full day project. Oh well. It's not like I'm up for anything else. I wonder if when I'm all old and dead if anyone will ever read it.

Guess I'll have to just wait and see.

Stop

7:59 AM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
In and out
In and out
It's what a dog is all about
He can't decide
He's filled with doubt
So first he goes in
And then he goes out.

Just some reminiscing for you.

For the first time in a long while, I feel somewhat ok. Not I-think-I-might-pass-out ok, but the wow-I-am-just-a-little-tired ok. Who knows. Sometimes you fall onto a path and you walk it so long the footsteps become mechanical. I've gotten so used to feeling sick these last few days. The hospital count ended at 5. The fever ended at 103.4. The headache ends whenever I pop pills and gulp swills of water.

It's raining outside, but there's a fire burning in here.

A Fever You Can't Sweat Out.

8:14 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
[ Wake Up ]

The weather these days is too warm.
The high yesterday was:103.2
The low was: 99.8

I am thinking in snow but all my thoughts keep melting before they have a place to even land.
Today's high is 100:2
Today's low is 97.1

Right now I'm swimming inside myself. Literally.

I was writing something beautiful in my head last night on fever-shot thoughts, but now I can't remember it for the life of me. I was thinking anything to try and make me sleep. I wandered through the dog-yard and pulled up names wishing one of them would come in and jump up on my bed.

Oh how badly I wanted to be home. Oh how badly I wanted to feel anything but sick and alone.

And right now, all I've been thinking is how little this school cares for me. I called campus security because I really thought I belonged in the hospital and they said no, they wouldn't give me a ride to the hospital unless the hospital gave them permission. I called the hospital and they said "what are you talking about. We don't have time to make those kinds of phonecalls." I didn't know what to do so I just started crying and then I couldn't stop crying. Eventually exhaustion overtook.

I have a final in twenty minutes in Japanese but I can barely think in English. I didn't write my paper that's due today either. But regardless, I think I am still smiling. I think I am still happy.

I feel guilty about all that's been left undone. Right now I just want someone to bring me some flowers and a getwell card. I almost feel as sick as that time right after surgery. But now I don't have an entourage of people to come say "get well! we miss you!"

No Kerri, Johnny, Noobs and Ben to say hey girl, you still look beautiful.

I miss that.

But I've made new friends who've taken good care of me, even if they can't be by my side.

[ Pass Out ]
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