be(lie)f

7:45 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Endlessly frustrated.

My thoughts never quite homogenize into something coherent. Every step I take just shakes the contents that much more. Foggy Google thoughts. I've been living on the other side of the river. Got to turn the snow globe back around. These hazy day words mean nothing unless your in my head. Every letter is a secret message from the past. Every word morse code that's screaming "save me."

I'm lining up fireflies so I can write in an ink more beautiful than blood. I sign my name in stars. Lately, I've been on an adventure that has no ending. No real goal or destination.

The same questions always come back no matter what creed is creeping through your skull. The moral of the story is your blood is a river that'll eventually lead to an ocean. You just have to push off and see where the currents will take you.

The end result is me feeling infinite.
The end result is knowing there's something greater.
The end result is still having mystery.

Mystery, the presence of more meaning than we can understand.

Forever hopeful.

Haunted

7:50 PM Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Life can be incredibly beautiful. What a fantastic weekend. Between the rocks and the stars and the pseudo rock stars I have a enough stories to keep me going for a long while. Life is one continuous motion. We're all just in it for the ride.

I think the best parts are those unexpected friendships. The ones where you didn't think what was going to happen does and it's totally serendipitous and it leaves you on a slow motion upwards ride. From on top the world looks mighty fine.

Lately, my biggest frustration is other people being unhappy. I want to snatch away their pain and just say "here! take my glasses! the world's much friendlier through different lenses." But you know how it goes. Sometimes what we see as beauty is another's tragedy.

Sometimes we trump around stories because we don't know what else to do with him. They're like explosions inside us and if don't let them out we threaten to tear ourselves a part. Or sometimes life is just so beautiful that we just need to share it. Not to compare it, but just to say. Wow. Aren't things amazing?

I saw a ghost last night. No joke. I'm still wigged out. The way the boundaries seemed to blur between the living and the dead. The past and the future. So much came together this weekend and so much finally ended.

Believe it or not, I think my favorite part was talking while doing dishes or sitting out on the back porch in the cold looking for shooting stars. Just one of those things where you are totally absorbed in the moment. Time seems to escape you and all that you become are words and stories and ideas and the future seems oh so infinite and everything seems oh so possible.

The glorious thing is, you wake up from your reverie and find out it is.

Live it.
Love it.
XO

She Changes Your Mind

10:04 PM Posted In , Edit This 2 Comments »
I should be in bed. The stars are tap tap tapping their shoes above my head. Night is a glorious time. They're dancing me a lullaby that's too beautiful to fall asleep listening to. Have you ever listened to a song so completely that you've wanted to break down into tears. Not because you are sad and not because you are happy either, but because it is just so incredibly beautiful.

Threw on an old record and got so ecstatic; bliss. The way a song slips into your ear and reminds you of someone, something. You can't help but love the fluid of the movement. Air twisting and turning. Smiles bloom like flowers in the springtime. You can't stop the circle of life. The question is, how long can you stay on a high? The question is, does gravity apply to emotions? I'm starting to think I'm on a rocket ship to the moon.

"You Are Still A Ghost To Me"
You used to grin like dolphins do
Call out to me with a playful flick of your arm
Lets dance and we'd twirl about your kitchen
Lost in one of times many eddies.

Hand upon hand, hipbones hugging
The bass lines of our hearts beating
So very close together -- almost
Kissing in synchrony.

Later we'd play that song
You on your guitar and me, softly singing:
It was your hello that kept me hanging on every word
And your goodbye that keeps me listening for your voice around each corner...
The notes skating out on into forever, always.
Until your D string broke and my voice cracked.

We restrung your guitar and made cocoa for my throat
But we never sounded the same after that
That shared harmony forever a little more discordant.


I don't know where that came from.
I feel awesome
XO
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