Adventure!

Hear you me.

maybe, if I catch the clock right, everything will undo itself.
maybe, if I stare at pictures of you long enough, you'll come back to earth.

We weren't even good friends.
But your absence from this world has shaken me and I find
I am mourning for you as if you were kin.

Are kin.

It could have been any of us.
It could have been anyone.
Why you? Why now?

You didn't get to finish your story.

My heart is with you.
My love is with your family. my family. our family.

May angels lead you in.
Rest in peace.

1. Shoot rusty cans off a fence
2. Run a marathon
3. Skydive
4. Through-hike the Pacific Crest Trail
5. Travel by horse across Mongolia
6. See great white sharks fly
7. Milk a cow in a metal bucket
8. Bike across the main island of Japan
9. Finish the Iditarod and Yukon Quest
10. Write a best seller

free[dumb]
freedom.

freed[won]
freed one.

Lovers are parasites you need to pluck from your soul.
The line has been crossed ten-fold.
You are water under the bridge.
A splinter that has been removed.

So long, farewell, good riddens.

In my bones lurks centuries of living.
(do you know what I know?)

I want to start my life already. Buy myself a house at the edge of this flat world, settle down, and watch the currents slip by, watch every thing fade off into that unknown place...
(do you hear what I hear?)

My favorite time of year are the two seconds when I think I know where tomorrow will bring me. When I think I've figured this life of mine out. But everything is always changing.

Today I am in Boston.
Tomorrow I am in New Hampshire.
In June I'm in Thailand.
In July I'm in Utah.

[Except nothing is etched in stone.]

I want some sort of stability yet I hate being boxed in.
I want to travel the world. I want to share this love of life with everyone on the planet....

The people you love always end up dealing the sharpest blows.

To the warring factions of my heart:

Throw your mistempered weapons to the ground.
The battle is lost.
The war is over.
Stop. Stop. Stop.

To the humanity within me:

Be divine.
Find yourself a god you can pray to
change your heart.
Little one, you are so much stronger
Than the way you act.

In the quiet of night my thoughts come alive like a million little insects crawling over my skin. How can you sleep when you're being invaded, attacked.

Every action is a simple response to another.
Every action a way to erase the one prior to it.

Condemned.

The heart is a maze with a thousand dead-ends. (I don't know where I'm walking.)
Sometimes I wish I'd just shut my mouth, shut my heart, break-down, melt-down, quit the game, walk away.

The end result is never worth the price of admission.
Lets be serious for just a moment: Love is just a game.

You just have to throw the cards away.
52 card pick up.

Chaos.
Anarchy.
Disaster.

In the end the whims of one person or another, aren't enough to shake me.
A single breath of wind cannot move a mountain.

Stand tall.

I want to write my soul down
Feel the words of it pound out
In pictures and letters
Bound it up in poems and lectures
creative adventures that let you
See and understand my heart

From the start I want you to know exactly where I stand
Because someday the mystery of my life will unravel
In front of God and I want to make sure
he knows the journey I've traveled

So when I fight Him about having stolen
I can say "look I took it on accident" or
"That time I yelled at my mother
Another part of me was mourning inside
Wondering why the love inside me had died
And yes, I am reticent so here read this,"
Shoving the papers on His desk
"Now you'll know what I really meant."

But mostly I want to show myself I'm trying
Because I'd be lying if I said I had an excuse for every sin
I need to know what to fix and why
So when I say goodbye to this world
The story I've told will be one that says
I'm trying

I want to spill myself open
Return my soul to the ocean by revealing my guilt
Because there are days I know I've built up my perfection
But really, it's just because I fear rejection.

I need you to know I'm not an angel.
I don't wear a halo.
And if you want me to say why,
I'll say so.

I have stolen.
I have cheated.
I've denied and wrongly pleaded.
I have bribed and been the briber.
I have lied and been the liar.
I've been the bully and false-crier.

I do these things and do them still
And everytime I think I've conquered I lose my will
There are days when I wear eight million facades
And I look in the mirror and ask
"Girl do you know who you really are?"

I want to confide myself in thousands of pages
So I can rip off my masks and put one less on back later
So that one day, all that's left is the raw uncut unfinished me.

I'm not perfect, I know, but I'm trying
Because its the little battles in our heart
That let us know whether we are living or dying.

This is the slow-down before the speed-bump. The big decision. The all or nothing.
The path you want to work vs. the one you should take.

The added fact that clouded vision makes both a nightmare.