Adventure!

[Crackberry on]

Supposed learning has me bored. Remember the questions that used to make you think? Where did they go?

They must have flown away with the ozone layer. Now, they are haunting martians...

We are left with statements littered with "like" and "you know?"

Teach me something worth knowing. Stop wasting my time.

[Crackberry off]

Every moment things are changing. Tonight, I wish I could teleport myself and stand there hugging whatever bits and pieces of you are broken. Tonight I wish I could put you back together myself, bit by bit to make you whole again.

Crash.

I wonder if you've woken up yet? If you can feel the broken bones? If you can feel my heart breaking with each second that goes by where I don't know the outcome of any of this.

You who formed so much of who I am.

Two spoons, two cups.

Remember those journeys we took to the end of the world?
Remember those hours we spent, transcending time until we were in a world of our own creation?

We were invincible back then, so if anything happens meet me there.

The ins and outs of best friends are complicated. We grew up and grew apart, but we are just different branches from the same seed. You can't leave the people you grew up with behind. (so don't)

Hold on.

I will be pulling on your line,
Keeping you grounded.

And just like that the waters are calm.

I lose myself so easily.

Less stress.

breathe.

breathe.

None of this really matters in the big picture.

breathe.

love.

The shell is cracking.

The edges are wearing thin.

Put me on the phone and I'll explode.

Scorched forests. Ashen skies.

I can't breathe in my own body sometimes.

I just hold it all in.

Water behind the damn.

I'm not passive aggressive, I just don't know how to handle sadness.

Throw the smile back on sweetheart, it feels so much better.

It all breaks down.

Flood.

Catastrophe.

Tears.

Do you remember the Call of the Wild? We used to live our lives so that they revolved around the sun, the moon, the earth. Now, they revolve around so much more, so much less. Light switches and shopping malls. Facts that have no relevance. Yes I know genetics are important but isn't the feel of earth in your hands and seeing something you cared for grow up into something you eat important too?

We eat fruit whose seeds we've never seen. Who's roots touch earth that never dreamed of baring them.

Six billion people. That's six billion hearts filled with love, with hate, with some sort of passion of something that keeps them alive. Six billion - and growing and lots of them go by without knowing the impact each one of their footsteps takes.

Today, wilderness is a shattered illusion. Trails through trees. The United States has laid down so many roads it would cover an area bigger than the entire state of Georgia. "We paved paradise / to put up a parking lot."

I want my hands in dirt and my fingers in fur.
I want to know that I can grow and live and be at peace with the world; that each footstep I take may not bruise the earth, but will help set her free.

I want to be the voice of a new generation, one that says, "I will speak for those who cannot speak, I will do for those who cannot do, and I will live for those who cannot live -- but most importantly I will live with a love that envelopes all and judges none. I will love the Earth who is my home and I will love all creatures great and small for no matter how different we may be, we are united together in our struggle to survive. "

I want to teach people that money does not buy happiness, it only invites injustice.
Lets live.

[need sleep]

The way you feel walking through a corridor of trees on a fall morning is the same feeling expressed in this song. Except I know the world is beautiful. So incredibly beautiful.

If only we could turn our lights off to see just how much the world shines.

I want wilderness.

Dear Rucks,

Beyond the blur the neon signs have cast, there's a message waiting. I've scribbled constellations across the sky trying to send your ship sailing in the right direction. My direction. In the morning, you will wake to the smell of coffee and wood burning in the stove. My hands will bury themselves in your fur.

In the fall, we'll spend the day walking through leaves and you will run through the trees, unable to see their changing colors but able to feel winter calling out to you from your bones. I will smile the way you do when your heart feels complete. You will run up to me with such intensity you'll knock me down. We'll laugh then, playing in the fallen leaves.

In the evening, we will sit, you there, next to me or at my feet. When the snow comes, we will rejoice, for we will play in it, doing what we were made to do: run. At night, we will sleep outside. You in a bed of hay, me next to you, wrapped in a sleeping bag.

We will cross the North. We will dance beneath the northern sky and watch the greens and pinks of the lights capture our hearts. We will be our own wolf pack.

We will be wordless, but we will be speaking the same language. We will be lost and found and lost again. We will be wholly complete in our understanding of one another. And your existence will take shape and be certain because of my existence and my existence will take shape and be certain because of your existence.

Over time, we will gain friends and our pack will grow. Micah will join us. He'll be strong and you two will be brothers. Slowly, our team will grow. Until we are one of many. A family shaped by mutual interest and adoration.

You too, will grow old. Your muzzle will slowly turn white and you'll get arthritis in your back legs. But don't be afraid because when you can no longer walk, I'll carry you wherever you need to go. And when you are too old to pull, you can sit in the sled and stare up at me or up over across the landscape or your family.

One day, your heart will stop too because we cannot live forever. But I'll carry you wherever you go. I'll carry your heart in my heart. And on those cold January evenings when the wind blows just the right way, I'll swear you are still there, standing in the room beside me or sitting at my feet.

Dear Rucks, I love you already. Please, find your way home.

The decisions most pertinent to your sanity are the ones that keep you awake all night. You can't build a life on someone else whether it be love, happiness, idealogy... it's all got to come straight from you, straight from the heart.

I want to travel across the country and see the rocks and stars that shape this earth. A cross country adventure. (Or a run away plan, who knows?)

There is so much to see, to much to do.
How can anyone stand to sit in front of the television letting those precious minutes slip by...

you are the shining light
my true north
the magnetic pull of the compass

if i could walk on water
make you believe or
make you forget

drown me in love


the color of blue
never looked so deep
as when it was outlining your siloutte


you are not the one i wanted.
you are everything i needed.
unsaid words.

and all i want
is a verbal agreement.
we see the world the same...

and yet
forever indifferent...

The smell of autumn always sends my heart toward home, toward the future. In my mind I already have two dogs. I already have a dream rolling like a snowball down a hill, gaining speed and gaining mass. Oh, do I dream big dreams.

As the days get more and more colorful I find myself wanting less and less. The reds and yellows of a humble autumn are enough. Slowly, you fade away.

Someday you walk to the back of the room and just sit and watch. Other days the light of the moon reveals all the words no one wants to say. The elephant in the room.

I miss the way the grass sounds when the wind runs his fingers through it. I miss the intimacy you share with strangers when you sit around a fire and talk about that moment exactly how it is. But mostly I miss the sound of your voice pulling me back home...

Home.

You who are my home my hopes my this and that and the other. The look on your face always driving me mad!

Love. Love you are so fickle so sickly faint hearted is that why you've stayed away?

Notes from my actual Journal on my flight to Alaska:

The way you can rewind time to see yourself in the past. I’m watching a movie of my life trying to figure out how I got here. The sum of my life at any given moment is where I am. Yesterday, I was popping tic-tacs. Today, the adventure begins.

Strange, but I’m not scared or nervous. I know this is where I am supposed to be. I know I got this life of mine right so far. Sometimes you get so certain you are doing what you are meant to that you have no room in your heart to be afraid.

I know this is strange to say but the feeling that fills me up more than any other is “home.” I’m going home to the sea, home to the mountains, home to Alaska.

In a sea of people I find myself swimming in ideas. The economic meltdown has me trying to untangle knots and webs that were in place long before I was born. I have so many ideas buzzing about solution some of them are just salt on the wound.wouldn't it be great if everything unraveled like waves upon the ocean

The dark of night can only last so long. With eyes on the future the sun never seemed so bright. I miss the cold breezes by the ocean that pause just beneath your neck waiting to kiss you, making you feel so at home and so alive. I feel like the warm refrain of that jazz song that always gets caught in your head the one that makes you feel happy and sad and so incredibly alive all at once.

For some reason, the saddest songs always resonate the most in my fragile bones.

I miss the rain on the days where all I want to do is stare out the window and think about everything that's floating in my heart. Sometimes the moments around me feel like music, feel like words, feel like the vision of a heart on fire.


Here we go again. The clouds are the pillows in the sky that we rest the dreams we can't reach on. The ever repeating chords of the piano. The faint riff of a guitar line. In my head symphonies are birthed in every breath I take. The way I see things is in progression.

"I am in love with myself and no one else" The human said.

Nights with friends are always the best.

From up close everything is so starry eyed and clear. Until you factor in the distance and everything that's still unspoken. At the end of my day with or without you there I feel full up. I can't complain about this life of mine when even the smallest things line up so perfectly.there is far too much to be grateful for and I can't help but revel in simple pleasures.


The way songs have been colliding with my soul leaves me feeling like that moment in spring right before everything's about to bloom.

And for all the bad things that still remain in this world I can't help but think that we shall overcome. The light of the sun still burns in my soul.

You know I may not have everything but I certainly have enough.

Tonight even the universe is singing it's applause on my tent roof in the form of a thousand little raindrops. Tonight is the end of something and the beginning of something else entirely new.

Everyday a promise.
Everyday the possibility to begin again.