Do the Whirlwind

4:26 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
The clock is tearing itself from the wall again. The ins and outs of an arguing couple blaring between the shattered pieces of its gears. The way the days are painting themselves out looks like that scribbled nightmare where you had left for good this time and were saying that pasta was only good for throwing at the ceiling anyways.

From the other side of the world, the secrets your whispering are gearing up to create storms here. Stop spluttering nonsense and start screaming your lungs out. I want tornadoes to wreck my shores. Butter-fly effect your heart out. The levies have been built, the base has been fortified. Bring it.

I don't even know what I'm saying. This has nothing to do with anything except for the fac that the words that I'm writing must come from somewhere within my brain.

Bleeding rainbows in my eyes.
Time to stop writing. For once, I've confused myself...

Augur

5:23 PM Edit This 0 Comments »

There is a whole wide world out there and I don't know where to start. Sometimes, I spell confusion with whatever's handy: Shattered plates across the kitchen floors, old card games thrown out too soon. I was thinking about that time when the world didn't seem quite so scary. Everywhere you go there's another wall being put up, another bomb being dropped. I'm tick-tick-ticking wait for it all to start.

Blah.

In my mind and so far out of it. It's like Whitman said: "Both in and out of the game and watching and wondering at it / Backward I see in my ownd days where I sweated through fod with linguits and contenders / I have no mocking or arguments, I witness and wait." (Song Of Myself)

Don't you know the feeling? The warning signs are everywhere, if you only knew how to read them. The cracks in the pavement portend to something bigger. Go grow yourself a better outcome.

I'm tired of the imperfect shot. I'm tired of playing the game half-heartedly. Go big or go home. Isn't that how the say is supposed to go? Well what if I want both.

Somedays I'm drowning. Other days, I'm swimming in sand.

Glory Box

6:13 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Somedays summer floats just behind your shoulder, waiting for you to turn around and kiss her. The weather has been absolutely amazing the last few days with the wind whispering his secret every chance he gets. The subtle sounds of someone singing you're almost there.

The last week and a half has been a barrage of colors flying across the horizon and emotions buzzing about my head. The other day I sat outside watching a lone red balloon ascend into the sky, unsure if I should name it beauty or destruction. Thinking both about the blue sky with the red balloon and the sea turtle that will one day choke on it.

Been caught up in too much chemistry and realized I'm not so good with handling all the pressure. When it comes down to it I was just a C+ anyways. Think about it. The ins and outs of attraction and sharing were never concepts I could master.

Spent the day eating ice cream dodging the sun in and out of shadows. Started this post eleven hours ago and got lost in the ins and outs of living. Can't remember the last time I ran around so much. Now I'm trying to get numbers to stick on my brain.

I don't know. Somedays I just think everything falls into place and others it looks like everything is about to fall apart. I don't know where the pendulum is swinging, but it always looks like its going up. These days, I don't get sad - just introspective. Sometimes I get lost in all the things I should be doing to make the world a better place, but even when I get back to living life I don't implement them.

I can't wrap my way around something that would "significantly" make a difference anywhere. I have no true passion. Politics, the environment, I care for them but they come and go. Most of the time I just sit and think wondering why things are the way they are and wondering if change is even possible or how to achieve it. I don't believe in institutions because more often than not, I feel that "we the people" have failed.  Can you be optimistic about the future but pessimistic about the past? Am I even making sense?

My mind is shutting off.
I have to learn how to count backwards.

nonpolar.

8:19 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
The things they don't teach you are that sometimes you have to create a little pain.
Love is not just the flower, its the thorn too. It's the sunshine and the rainstorm and the forty mile per hour wind. And sometimes you just don't stand up. Sometimes you have to fall down so you can rise up.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and it isn't easy. No one wants to hurt someone else. It just happens. 

blah.
this life of mine is too chaotic, too confusing.
But I'm learning the downward swing comes from not being true to yourself.

Follow your heart, follow the high.

EXhale.

7:46 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
I have loved deeply and I have hurt deeply.
I have screamed so loudly that no sound came out.
You can't hear heartbreak, but you can hear the after shock.
The sound of the cracks pulling apart. The sound of your heart dissolving so it can reform.
The death of one part of you, now, rise and be born...
Take the nails from your soul and start tearing down walls
Let the God inside of you become who you are...
Breathe in the gold.
Just breathe in the gold.

I don't know what I've been doing lately. Drifting in-between dreams I suppose. Waiting for something to start. Waiting for something to finish. Really, isn't it all just the same?

I don't know.
Too many questions without enough answers.

Running on toxic thoughts.
Need to escape the cycle.
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